The Boston Marathon Bombings: Helping Our Children Move Forward

The Boston Marathon, which takes place each year on Patriots Day, has long been a day of celebration, joy, and team spirit. We celebrate the elite runners, delight in the joy of thousands of ordinary people testing their mettle to accomplish an extraordinary feat, we support and cheer friends and colleagues who organize teams to raise money for causes near and dear to them. But at this year’s Marathon, the incomprehensible and unconscionable acts of terror-minded individuals, turned celebration and joy into horror and anguish.

The summer months are a stone’s throw away which means family outings to sporting events, Fourth of July celebrations, and the like. So, how do we help our children feel safe in light of the bombings at the Boston marathon? How do we, their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, caretakers feel safe?

Like the instructions we receive when traveling with a child onboard an airplane — put on your oxygen mask first before assisting the child — we have to get our emotions, our state of mind under control first. We cannot tell our children that everything will be okay if in our next breath we are illustrating our fear and anxiety in words and actions to others around us. Remember: kids hear and see much more than we think they do.

How do we move forward and help our children to do so?  We teach them that the actions of those two small-minded men represent nothing more than a speck of inhumanity compared to the heroism of the hundreds of first responders, EMTs doctors, nurses, and ordinary folks who ran into the fray to help. We explain to them that the actions of those two cowardly men represent nothing compared to the bravery of the hundreds of wounded who must reach deep inside and find the strength of character to redefine their lives and live courageously, albeit differently. We show them that the actions of those two men represent hatred in the hearts of the few rather than the love and grace in the hearts of the many. In other words, we show them by example.

As President Obama reminded us in his message at the Interfaith Healing Service on Thursday, “Like Bill Ifrig, 78 years old, the runner in the orange tank-top who we all saw get knocked down by the blast, we may be momentarily knocked off our feet. But we'll pick ourselves up. We'll keep going. We will finish the race.”

This is a vital lesson for our children. There will be times and events in life that knock us off our feet, that rattle our emotions. Challenges in life build character. We survive and thrive through the friendships we make, by reaching out and helping others, by maintaining a hopeful outlook, and by understanding and accepting that change is part of life. 

Written for KidsTerrain. Reprinted with permission.

The Time Is Upon Us

Something just has to be done….

I’ve written far too many blogs precipitated by horrific acts similar to the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut on Friday December 14. And while I find myself asking once again, when will this madness cease, I know there is no end date . . . and, sadly, there will continue to be more incomprehensible violence and more senseless deaths.

During the vigil on Sunday, President Barack Obama said, “We’ve endured too many of these tragedies in the past few years. . . . And we’re going to have to come together and take meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this, regardless of the politics.” While I am heartened by President Obama’s words, the reality is that we are steeped in a culture of violence, with far too many guns in the hands of those who pervert our Second Amendment right to bear arms.

So, let’s do a reality check. When our Constitution was written, “arms” meant muskets. Our forefathers had no way of foreseeing that arms would one day mean a high-powered, semiautomatic Bushmaster rifle, the weapon used in Sandy Hook and also by D.C snipers John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, who in 2002, killed 10 people and critically wounded three.

Our forefathers had no way of foreseeing that arms would mean a semiautomatic Glock 9mm handgun, the weapon found in Sandy Hook and the type used in the 2011 shooting at a shopping center in Arizona that killed six people and wounded then-Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 12 others, or the 2007 massacre at Virginia Tech where 32 people were killed and 17 wounded, or the .40-caliber Glock used by the gunman in the Colorado movie theater in July, where 12 people were killed and dozens more were wounded.

Our forefathers had no way of foreseeing that arms would mean a 9mm SIG Sauer pistol, the weapon found in Sandy Hook and which was used also in the Standard Gravure shooting that left eight people dead and 12 wounded; or the 9 mm semiautomatic handgun with multiple ammunition magazines used to kill six people and wound three at the Sikh temple in Wisconsin and in the execution-style massacre at the Amish school in Pennsylvania.

The list of disturbing examples is far too long and far too sickening to my stomach to continue.

So what can be done? What “meaningful action” does the President have in mind? As Pierre Thomas said, “The genie is out of the bottle.”

“Meaningful action” must be multifold. We, as citizens, must raise our voices and demand by our votes a federal a ban on assault weapons. We, as citizens, must raise our voices demand by our votes that legislators turn their backs on gun lobbyists and turn and face instead those they represent with a commitment to safety; we, as a society, need to address the gaps in the treatment of mental health in this country; and we, as human beings, need to question our ethics when it comes to accepting as normal brazen violence in our movies, our videos games, our music.

Meaningful action . . . . Let us as a nation resolve in the New Year to define what the meaningful action will be, devise an actionable plan, and commit to not giving up on this goal until a safer America is a reality.

Originally written for KidsTerrain

Paying Attention in Class Saved Family’s Life

Wednesday, June 1 was like most end-of-the-school-year days. The classroom was hot and stuffy, as was the air outside, thick and heavy with moisture…telltale signs of a storm brewing. Nothing about the day seemed out of the ordinary. Strong thunderstorms are not uncommon when hot, moist air co-mingles with a cold front. It was just a typical New England spring weather day.

Nearing the end of the school day, the 3rd grade teachers in 9-year-old Megan Frisella’s class had completed the day’s lesson plan. Being conscientious teachers, they opted to introduce a new lesson and selected a study plan about wind. In the remaining minutes of class that day, Megan and her classmates learned about the power of wind to foster energy, and they learned about the dangers of wind in hurricanes and tornadoes. Little did anyone know — or even conceive of the probability — that this last minute lesson would save a family’s life.

A few hours after Megan returned home from school Amy Frisella, Megan’s mother, heard that a tornado may be headed for their hometown of Sturbridge, MA. Megan spoke up and told her mother, “My teacher said you got to get away from the windows and go to a safe room.”

Now, the last tornado to hit in Central Massachusetts occurred in 1953, and so Megan’s mom was bracing for nothing more than a severe thunderstorm. However, having listened to her daughter talk about what she learned in school, Amy decided to treat the situation like a fire drill.

She took Megan and Megan’s 6-year-old sister Hailey, their 2 cats and the hamster, to the “safe room” in the basement where there were no windows, just as Megan had been taught. Less than a minute later, the house shook.

“It was just like a movie,” said Megan’s mom. “It sounded like a train.” Twenty seconds later, covered in soot, the Frisella’s emerged from the basement to discover their home had been severely damaged by a tornado.

The Frisella family is alive and unharmed today because of several factors…teachers who embraced their role as educators, who taught an extra lesson rather than blowing off the remaining minutes of the class period; a young girl who paid attention in class and who listened to her teachers; a parent who listened to her child and who recognized the value of a teachable moment.

At KidsTerrain, we believe that children, families, and teachers are life's greatest treasures. And we believe in the value of listening and talking to kids. On Wednesday, June 6, teachers talked, a child listened, a child talked, a parent listened, and a family’s life was saved.

Written for KidsTerrain, Inc. Reprinted here with permission.

One of our major concerns at KidsTerrain is that children develop healthy self-esteem. So, when in less than a week’s time these new products marketed to young children came across our radar, we felt compelled to raise the battle cry, “Let them be children, please….”

First up, Bebe Gloton, a controversial new doll that comes with a special halter-top that young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies." The halter-top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and comes undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would.

The Spanish toymaker Berjuan developed Bebe Gloton, which translates as “gluttonous baby.” Bebe Gloton cries, signaling she wants more milk, and makes sucking noises as it "feeds."

Despite some outrage, many moms said they support the product. In a story reported on Fox News, one mother was quoted as saying, "I think that it’s great that people want to have a doll that promotes breast-feeding…. Most dolls that are purchased come with a bottle. That is the norm in society, an artificial way to feed your baby.”

This Straw Man response shifts the focus away from the concern at hand: Is introducing breast-feeding to girls young enough to play with dolls inappropriate? What’s next? A special, padded swimsuit-like garment that enables five-year-old "mothers" to “experience” childbirth?

Next up on our “Let Them Be Children, Please….” radar: Meet Clawdeen Wolf, the doll who comes complete with a “thigh-skimming skirt, sky-high boots and heavy makeup, and spends her days waxing, plucking and shaving.” You read that right…waxing, plucking, and shaving. Mattel’s target demographic for this doll? Girls aged 6 and up.

Human behavior expert Dr. Patrick Wanis, in an article by Diane Montgomery said, “These dolls are training girls to feel ashamed of their bodies, to focus on being sexually appealing and sexually attractive from a pre-pubescent age. By sexualizing these young girls, corporations also create another avenue to market and sell more products to a younger demographic.”

And speaking of marketing to a younger demographic, enter Abercrombie & Fitch into the debate. Last week A &B launched a padded bikini for girls as young as 7. The “Ashley” bikini gained attention after a professor at Occidental College posted a blog item calling it “another example of the sexualization of young girls,” The Columbus Dispatch reported.

Abercrombie Kids addressed this on Monday, March 28 in a statement on their Facebook page: “We agree with those who say it is best ‘suited’ for girls age 12 and older.”

As reported by the Dispatch, this wasn’t the first time Abercrombie targeted this market. In 2002, Abercrombie & Fitch offered a children’s-size thong underwear with the words “eye candy” and “wink wink” printed on the front.


It’s time we step up and step back…. Let our children be children, please….

Written for KidsTerrain, Inc. Reprinted here with permission.

Boy's Pink Toenails Called Transgender Propaganda

This week a controversy soared across the airwaves and social media sites surrounding a J. Crew ad featuring a photo of J. Crew's president and creative director Jenna Lyons painting her son Beckett’s toenails. The ad, part of a feature, "Saturday with Jenna," was sent to customers. In the photo, Jenna is pictured with her curly-haired son; the two are giggling with Jenna holding Beckett's feet, showing hot pink painted toenails. "Lucky for me, I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink," read Jenna's quote. "Toenail painting is way more fun in neon."

Social conservatives, such as Erin Brown of the Media Research Center, called the ad "blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children." Brown’s position has little to do with children, and a lot to do with politics, as evidenced in her opening paragraph: “J.Crew, a popular preppy woman's clothing brand and favorite affordable line of first lady Michelle Obama, is targeting a new demographic--mothers of gender-confused young boys. At least, that's the impression given by a new marketing piece that features blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children.”

She goes on to write, “J.CREW, known for its tasteful and modest clothing, apparently does not mind exploiting Beckett behind the façade of liberal, transgendered identity politics. One has to wonder what young boys in pink nail polish has to do with selling women's clothing… Propaganda pushing the celebration of gender-confused boys wanting to dress and act like girls is a growing trend, seeping into mainstream culture.”

Advocacy groups are also fighting back, calling the reaction to the ad "ridiculous."

"This is not how the world works and not how children work, and not even how trans advocacy works," said Mara Keisling, executive director of National Center for Transgender Equality. "Complaints about the ad are totally blown out of proportion," she said. "It's just a cute ad with a cute mom-and-son scene and the kid wants to wear pink nail polish...It could be the kids just wants to spend time with his mom."

There is no simple explanation for transgenderism. Many psychological theories have been proposed and more recent research has focussed on looking at biological causes. Most research on gender identity and sexual orientation concludes that neither is a choice. Nor can they be shaped by a parent's wishes, said Dr. Jack Drescher, a New York City psychiatrist. Drescher, who serves on the American Psychiatric Association's committee that is addressing sexual and gender identity disorder for the DSM-V. DSM-V is psychiatry's encyclopedia of behavioral diagnoses, told Susan Donaldson James of ABC News, "I can say with 100 percent certainty that a mother painting her children's toe nails pink does not cause transgenderism or homosexuality or anything else that people who are social conservatives would worry about," he said.

No one knows what causes transgenderism. "Certainly, research shows that there are gender preferences in the way kids like to play, and boys may be rougher than girls," Drescher said. "But then there is a broad range of children who don't fit into larger categories and for some families it causes panic and for some, it's not a problem at all…. The idea that a parent is indulging a child's interest in unconventional gender behavior does something to the child has no scientific basis."

We’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

Written for KidsTerrain, Inc. Reprinted here with permission.

US Education Department Push For Bullying Initiatives

The Obama administration and the Education Department have set their focus on promoting initiatives aimed at combating bullying in schools. The administration’s efforts were ignited by a 10-page “Dear Colleague” letter from the Education Department’s Office of Civil Rights advising school officials they are required under federal law to stop discriminatory behavior.

In the letter, Russlynn Ali, assistant secretary for civil rights, wrote, “Some student misconduct that falls under a school’s anti-bullying policy also may trigger responsibilities under one or more of the federal anti-discrimination laws enforced by the Department’s Office for Civil Rights.

“Student misconduct could trigger action under Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which targets discrimination on the basis of race, color, or national origin, and Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972, which bans discrimination based on sex,” Ali said.

The Education Department is collecting “best practices” for anti-bullying efforts and the White House is planning to host a conference this year to raise awareness of the issue.

Written for KidsTerrain, Inc. Reprinted here with permission.

Talk With Kids About The Shooting in Tucson

The horrific shooting on January 8, 2011 once again rattled us deep within our bones. And sadly, once again, young children are seeing these all too real events; in public forums some children were asking, "Will he be coming to our school to shoot us?"

Talking with our children about this and similar events is a daunting task. The issues are multi-fold, as will be their questions and concerns. Allowing children a voice, reassuring them realistically about safety, and being honest with them about our feelings is just the beginning.

Issues you may want to discuss with your kids about the shooting in Tucson are:

• Particularly if your child/children are 7 years of age or younger, keep the conversation simple.
  
• Acknowledge the facts that they tell you, and reassure them that this won't happen to them.
• Let kids know that they are safe and that you are safe. If your child/children know that the shooting occurred outside a grocery store, they may exhibit anxiety when you have to go grocery shopping. The more you can ascertain what they know, the better you will be able to address their fears
• Tell kids that it is safe to go to school. Explain that the principal and others who work at their school are there to protect their safety.
• Address the issue about the shooter's mental illness only if your child/children are old enough to comprehend the scope of this.
• Be honest with your children about your feelings; however, be careful not to appear out of control. Be sure your responses are age appropriate.
  

Here are some questions you may want to ask your kids:

• Ask your children what they know about the shooting, and how they heard this information.
• Encourage children to express their feelings. Allow them to talk about the shooting and listen very carefully. This will help you to find out their degree of distress.
• Answer their questions with simple, honest and accurate answers. Ask specific questions such as "How do you feel? Does it make you feel scared? What worries you the most?"
• Is there anything else you want to talk about?
  

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Written for KidsTerrain, Inc. Reprinted here with permission.

We Simply Must Get A Handle On This...

I posted this video for KidsTerrain. It is a remarkable story of courage. Share the message...

September Is National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month

On September 1, President Barack Obama signed a Presidential Proclamation declaring September as National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month. In his proclamation, President Obama stated, “One of the greatest responsibilities we have as a Nation is to safeguard the health and well-being of our children. We now face a national childhood obesity crisis, with nearly one in every three of America's children being overweight or obese.”

That statistic is staggering. Childhood obesity has been a growing problem for decades, afflicting children nationwide with certain racial, ethnic, and regional kids more severely affected. And research has shown that obesity can be influenced by environmental and behavioral factors, such as unhealthy eating and too little physical activity. (To learn more about the effects of nutrition on behavior, see our webinar, Nutrition and Behavior Problems in Children and Adolescents presented by Dr. James M. Greenblatt, M.D.)

Earlier this year, the First Lady Michelle Obama announced the "Let's Move!" initiative to combat childhood obesity. The President, too, created a Task Force on Childhood Obesity to, as he stated, “marshal the combined resources of the Federal Government to develop inter-agency solutions and make recommendations on how to respond to this crisis.” The Task Force produced a report containing a comprehensive set of recommendations that “will put our country on track for solving this pressing health issue and preventing it from threatening future generations.”

During his statement, President Obama added that the “report outlines broad strategies to address childhood obesity, including providing healthier food in schools, ensuring access to healthy affordable food, increasing opportunities for physical activity, empowering parents and caregivers with better information about making healthy choices, and giving children a healthy start in life.”

The web site, LetsMove.gov offers detail information about these recommendations and as well as information and resources on how to help children eat healthy and stay active.

“Our history,” said the President, “shows that when we are united in our convictions, we can safeguard the health and safety of America's children for generations to come…. When we work together, we can overcome any obstacle and protect our Nation's most precious resource -- our children. As we take steps to turn around the epidemic of childhood obesity, I am confident that we will solve this problem together, and that we will solve it in a generation…. I encourage all Americans to take action by learning about and engaging in activities that promote healthy eating and greater physical activity by all of our Nation's children.”

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Written for KidsTerrain, Inc. Reprinted here with permission.

School Lunches and Childhood Obesity

Earlier this year, Food Network’s chef Jamie Oliver launched a televised food revolution about saving America’s health by changing the way you eat. Oliver stresses that parents must find out what their child is eating at school, and urge schools to switch from processed to fresh food.

Alarmed by the rising obesity rates and the amount of junk food being served to kids at school in his native Great Britain, Oliver met with then-prime minister Tony Blair back in 2005. He issued a challenge: Fix the dismal state of hot lunches. The School Food Trust was born, with its motto, “Eat better. Do better.” By 2008, the British government initiative swapped fried fare for wholesome vegetables, and began providing ongoing training to school kitchen staffs, slowly transforming how British kids eat.

Oliver saw parallels to the United States, with its epidemic of childhood obesity, “the increase of Type 2 diabetes being diagnosed among young adults and even children, and the vending-machine mentality of many school lunchrooms in this country. What we eat affects everything: our mood, behavior, health, growth, even our ability to concentrate,” said Oliver. “A lunchtime school meal should provide a growing child with one-third their daily nutritional intake.”

To drive the point home, this year at the annual meeting of the American College of Cardiology, findings were presented comparing school lunch vs. lunch from home. The results were eye-opening. Compared with kids who brought lunch from home, those who ate school lunches:

* Were more likely to be overweight or obese (38.2% vs. 24.7%)
* Were more likely to eat two or more servings of fatty meats like fried chicken or hot dogs daily (6.2% vs. 1.6%)
* Were more likely to have two or more sugary drinks a day (19% vs. 6.8%)
* Were less likely to eat at least two servings of fruits a day (32.6% vs. 49.4%)
* Were less likely to eat at least two servings of vegetables a day (39.9% vs. 50.3%)
* Had higher levels of LDL “bad” cholesterol

New research funded by the U.S. Department of Agriculture finds that children who eat school lunches that are part of the federal government’s National School Lunch Program are more likely to become overweight.

Now, the USDA is partnering with First Lady Michelle Obama to fight this childhood obesity epidemic among America’s school children. The First Lady released the results and recommendations of The White House Task Force on Childhood Obesity report, which stated that more than 30 percent of American children, ages 2 to 19, are overweight or obese. The report recommends serving healthier foods in schools.

The National Student Lunch Program supplies meals to about 30 million children in 100,000 public and nonprofit private schools, according to the USDA.

The fact that federally funded school lunches contribute to the childhood obesity epidemic is disconcerting, although not altogether surprising,” said Daniel L. Millimet, whose research expertise is the economics of children, specifically topics related to schooling and health.

Joy Bauer, MS, RD, CDN, best-selling author of Joy Bauer’s Food Cures: Treat Common Health Concerns, Look Younger and Live Longer, agrees. “Without a doubt, balanced nutrition is key for kids to maintain concentration academically. Every school lunch should offer both complex carbohydrates and lean proteins-a turkey-breast sandwich on whole wheat bread is a simple and perfect example of this — to boost brain and staying power, level moods, and keep blood sugars on an even keel. In other words, a plain bagel, with nothing else, can produce volatile spikes in blood sugars and can set up kids for a crash.”

Have a joyful day everyone. - Rita
Visit my website at http://www.ritaschiano.com

*Written for KidsTerrain.com. Reprinted with permission.

Teaching Kids About Food

While we tend to think of summer foods as hot dogs, hamburgers, and barbecue chicken, parents should take these months to get their kids involved with understanding proper nutrition. A great way to do this is to teach them how to cook. Rather than rely on fast food and the above-mentioned summer staples, web sites such as Cooking With Kids and the Food Network’s Cooking For Kids are great resources for turning your picky-eaters into gourmands. And the benefits will be multifold.

In the past decade numerous studies have been conducted linking nutritional disorders with behavioral and learning problems in children. Research shows that children with iron deficiencies sufficient to cause anemia are at a disadvantage academically. Other studies suggest that iodine, iron, folate, Vitamin B12, zinc, and omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids may play a significant role in the development of the brain and in cognitive functions.

Dietary deficiency concerns are not a worldwide problem; any child may be vulnerable to the maladies of poor nutrition due to dietary behaviors. To detail this critical issue, KidsTerrain turned to Dr. James M. Greenblatt, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of Walden Behavioral Care in Waltham, Massachusetts, to create a webinar to help parents understand the critical link between proper nutrition and behavior in children and adolescents. Nutrition and Behavior Problems in Children and Adolescents explores the link between dietary deficiencies and to compromised health, intelligence, and basic social skills.

For more information on this program or to view the webinar, go to http://www.kidsterrain.com/products/product.php?productid=18.

Have a joyful day everyone. - Rita
Visit my website at http://www.ritaschiano.com

*Written for KidsTerrain.com. Reprinted with permission.

How Social Media Savvy Are You?*

When it comes to children’s Internet safety, most parents are not savvy enough. And it is not because we aren’t hip, hep, cool, phat…choose your jargon…it’s simply that new social web sites seems to appear with the blink of an eye.

What can you do to protect your child without infringing too much on his or her perceived rights? It’s as simple as A B C: Ask, Believe, then Check.

Ask your child about the social media sites they belong to. Ask how often they visit the site. Ask what personal information they post. Ask about their Internet friends.

Believe that your child is telling you the truth. Believe that your child is careful. Believe that your child knows the dangers of Internet predators. Then….

Check your child’s postings. Friend them on Facebook; follow them on Twitter; join their MySpace page. And remember due diligence: new social media sites pop up almost daily, so you must stay on top of this. http://www.wiredsafety.org is an excellent resource web site.

Most importantly, talk with your child regularly about Internet safety (without being too much of a nudge so they won’t tune you out). Points to reiterate when conversing:

• Safety is first and foremost. Remind them to never post personal information such as full name, home address, phone numbers, places they go … anything that would help someone identify them or locate their whereabouts when they are not at home.
• Remind them that whatever is posted is there for all the world to see….and sometimes long after it is has been deleted too.
• And remind them it is never right to cyberbully. And if someone is cyberbullying them, that it is okay and safe to tell you about it.

Be savvy; keep kids safe.

Have a joyful day everyone. - Rita
Visit my website at http://www.ritaschiano.com

*Written for KidsTerrain.com. Reprinted with permission.

Bullying Legislation, At Last…*

A comprehensive anti-bullying legislation is, at last, law in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. It is now, however, up to the schools, the parents, and the kids themselves to take all the necessary steps to eliminate bullying from our schools, our streets, and cyberspace.

I’ve written numerous blogs on this topic, beginning with the 2006 suicide of Megan Meier, who hanged herself three weeks before her fourteenth birthday. It took more than a year of prodding and prompting by Meier’s parents to get an investigation into the matter. Megan’s suicide was attributed to cyber-bullying through the social networking website MySpace. Lori Drew, the mother of a classmate of Meier, was later indicted in 2008. But in 2009, Mrs. Drew was acquitted on the basis that there “are no laws making the cyber-bullying, harassment and abusive actions” of Mrs. Drew a felony.

In 2009, 11-year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover was found by his mother hanging by an extension cord on the second floor of their Springfield, MA home. The boy had been bullied and taunted daily at school, yet despite the pleases of his mother, nothing worthwhile was done to prevent this from continuing to happen to the boy.

The last straw seems to have been the suicide of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley, MA. Her death prompted a vociferous call for action. Four months later, Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick signed the new legislation (one, I might add, with some teeth), includes anti-bullying initiatives in student handbooks, classroom instruction, and strict new rules for reporting incidents of bullying. The law includes:

• training adults on how to identify, prevent, and manage incidents of bullying
• new reporting requirements for all school staff to “fully and swiftly detail any instance of bullying or retaliation to the appropriate school official”
• directs the Board of Elementary and Secondary Education to establish statewide academic standards that include instruction in bullying prevention and requires schools to provide age-appropriate instruction on bullying prevention

Each school district is also required to provide targeted professional development to all teachers, administrators, athletic coaches, bus drivers, and custodians on the prevention, identification, and appropriate response to bullying incidents.

Will all this help? While laws will not stamp out bullying altogether (we need only look at the vast majority of laws continuously broken to know this to be true), laws can reduce drastically the number of incidences and give victims of bullying much needed protections.

Have a joyful day everyone. - Rita
Visit my website at http://www.ritaschiano.com

*Written for KidsTerrain.com. Reprinted with permission.

A Small Boy...A Large Lesson

A few weeks ago I had to prepare a short talk on finding sparks of holiness. As I pondered where those sparks may exist in the ordinary moments of life, I thought about the remarkable young people whose stories I’ve shared via this blog. It is in the resilience of children that I find these sparks…sparks that set my soul ablaze with hope for the future.

One such spark is 12-year-old Jake Olson. When Jake was one-year old he was diagnosed with retinoblastoma, a condition that caused cancerous tumors to develop in both retinas. Jake’s left eye was removed, but with chemotherapy and radiation, doctors were able to save his right eye.

The cancer returned several times, and each time Jake beat it. However, in September 2009, the cancer returned for a ninth time, and this time the prognosis was grim. Jake was to lose his right eye, too. As ESPN’s Shelley Smith* reported, when asked by his mother how he was dealing with this, Jake replied, “This is just going to be a new stage of my life.”

Jake had a wish, however. What he longed to see one last time was a University of Southern California (USC) Trojans game. For Jake, football was his passion. He played center on his school’s football team, and the USC Trojans were his favorite team. His wish reached Trojan head coach, Pete Carroll.

In October, the Trojans invited Jake to practice. He was introduced to his favorite player, center Kris O’Dowd, and a bond was born. O’Dowd commented to Smith that he “felt a connection with him [Jake]…He gave us these words of wisdom. It’s amazing how a seventh-grader can make 100 guys dead quiet and just hear every word that comes out of his mouth….”

The Trojans gave Jake a lifetime of visual memories. “I got to sit next to Pete Carroll on the bus, which was awesome. I got to see them practice, which was awesome,” Jake said. “I got to go into the locker room and everyone was partying. It was just awesome.”

The night before surgery Jake attended a Trojans practice to get a last look at his “new teammates.” Coach Carroll made Jake promise that he would come back after his surgery Nov. 12.

On the day of surgery, the family sneaked O’Dowd into the hospital as “Uncle Kris.” When the nurse came to give Jake his IV, the young boy broke down. O’Dowd gave him a kiss on the head saying, “You’re the strongest kid I’ve ever known and keep being who you are and everything will work out.”

As Jake explained to Smith, “It wasn’t the fear of being blind; it was more like, all right, this is my last minute to see, last hours — that was the fear.”

Six days after the surgery, Jake fulfilled his promise. With the aid of a blind cane, he re-joined the Trojans at practice. Upon learning the team had lost to Stanford a few days earlier, Jake told them not to “feel bad. Guys, you lost, but we’ll get them next year and the year after that and year after that all right!”

View the video report on YouTube.

*Quotation reported in Shelley Smith’s article: USC Trojans’ No. 1 Fan ‘Fights On’ With Help From His Football Friends

Written for KidsTerrain.com. Reprinted with permission.

Making A Difference...

In 2004 after Hurricane Charlie swept through Florida, seven-year-old Zach Bonner went door to door with his little red wagon to collect water, tarps, and other supplies. He collected 27 pick-up truckloads of supplies for those in need. Moved by the generosity of others, Zach founded the Little Red Wagon Foundation in 2005 to help underprivileged children.

In 2006 and 2007, Zach threw holiday parties for kids living in hurricane FEMA trailers and filled 2,000 backpacks with food, toiletries, candy, and toys for homeless children. Inspired by a documentary about Mildred Norman, the “Peace Pilgrim,” who walked 25,000 miles during the last 28 years of her life to spread her anti-war message, Zach decided to raise awareness by walking from his house to the White House. The 1,225-mile journey would be completed in three segments.

In 2007, Zach walked from his home in Tampa to Florida’s capitol building in Tallahassee. He raised $25,000 in 23 days. In 2008, he walked from Tallahassee to Atlanta to raise $17,000 for a Habitat for Humanity home. “Although I did not raise as much money, I think I raised a lot more awareness to the plight of homeless youth in our country,” Zach commented.

According to Ellen Bassuk, president of The National Center on Family Homelessness, approximately “1.5 million children are homeless in the USA at some point each year.” And it’s getting worse due to the “depth of the economic recession and the staggering numbers of housing foreclosures nationally.”

In 2009 Zach completed the last segment, a 668-mile trek from Atlanta to Washington. D.C. Upon his arrival in Washington, Zach met with Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss and spoke with several other U.S. Senators on Capitol Hill. While in D.C., Zach slept at the Sasha Bruce emergency shelter.

“He is a very unusual young man,” said Deborah Shore, executive director of Sasha Bruce Youthwork in Washington, D.C., which provides services for runaway and homeless teenagers, including a shelter.

In 2010, Zach is planning a coast-to-coast walk where he hopes to involve kids across the country. To learn more about Zach and how you can assist in his efforts, visit his web site, http://littleredwagonfoundation.com.

Written for KidsTerrain.com. Reprinted with permission.

Anorexia Rising In Middle-Aged Women

Grown women struggling with eating disorders is the latest, hidden national epidemic. While some adults may have initially developed their illness in their pre-teen or teenage years, clinicians are seeing a steady increase in eating disorders developed during adulthood.

For adult women, the triggers are often mid-life anxieties: divorce, children leaving home or “empty nest syndrome,” a chronically ill relative, the loss of a parent, or extreme loneliness.

Our youth-obsessed culture plays a role in determining our body image, too. In our society, aging is more difficult for women than it is for men. Thin is in, has been, and always will be. And being thin is a good thing. But being too thin is not.

According to a report by ABC News, experts believe between 1 million and 3 million middle-aged women in the U.S. have anorexia or bulimia, and 1 in 10 eating disorder patients is over age forty.

Just like with their teenage counterparts, there are signs to watch for in adults: an obsessive element to eating patterns, preoccupation with weight, high volume exercise.

If you or someone you love is battling an eating disorder and you don’t know where to turn, talk with your family physician. Your doctor will be able to guide you or your loved one to an eating disorders treatment center or program.

(Written for KidsTerrain)

ADHD and the Workplace

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) are terms familiar to most and are usually ascribed to children. Yet, many adults, particularly those in their late 30s and older, may suffer from one of these disorders and not even know it. ADD and ADHD were not widely studied, discussed, debated, and diagnosed until the 1990s, long after many adults were out of the school system.

For adults with ADHD, the workplace can be stressful and challenging. “If these challenges are not recognized and coping strategies not developed, people with ADHD may find themselves jumping from job to job, being terminated, and becoming increasingly frustrated and unhappy” wrote psychologist Janet Frank.

In the workplace, ADHD adults may encounter “ADHD traps” such as distractibility, impulsivity, boredom, time management and organization problems, procrastination, difficulty with long-term projects, and interpersonal difficulties.

Dr. Edward Hallowell, founder of The Hallowell Center, writes that “external structure” is key. He suggests using lists, color-coding reminders, and notes to self. “Prioritize. Avoid procrastination. When things get busy, the adult ADHD person loses perspective. . . . Take a deep breath. Put first things first. Procrastination is one of the hallmarks of adult ADHD.”

Dr. Hallowell writes a blog where he offers suggestions, tips, and techniques for understanding and dealing with ADD and ADHD. Most of all, he wants people to remember that “treatment of adult ADHD begins with hope.”

Adults with ADD and ADHD may have legal protections under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 which prohibit discrimination against individuals with disabilities in higher education and the workplace. Some state laws may go further than these federal laws in prohibiting discrimination. Check with your state government or an attorney who practices in your jurisdiction to determine your rights under state law and federal laws.

(Originally posted to KidsTerrain.com)

Workplace Bullying: The Silent Epidemic

Workplace bullying refers to persistent aggressive or unreasonable actions of a person (or group of people) towards an employee (or group of employees). Bullying behavior is that which intimidates, degrades, offends, or humiliates a worker. The behavior may be inflicted verbally, nonverbally, psychologically, or physically.

The Workplace Bullying Institute* just released its Labor Day 2008 Survey “How Employers & Co-Workers Respond to Workplace Bullying.”

The WBI study surveyed two separate 400-person respondent groups. The participants visited the WBI web site and completed one or both of the surveys, asking about either their employers’ responses to bullying, or asking what co-workers did.

The question posed: At work, have you experienced any or all of the following types of repeated mistreatment: sabotage by others that prevented work from getting done, verbal abuse, threatening conduct, intimidation or humiliation?

I found the results to be astounding.

Question: When the employer was told about the bullying, what did the employer do?

* 1.7% - conducted fair investigation and protected target from further bullying with negative consequences for the bully
* 6.2% - conducted fair investigation with negative consequences for the bully but no safety for the target
* 8.7% - inadequate/unfair investigation; no consequences for bully or target
* 31% - inadequate/unfair investigation; no consequences for bully but target was retaliated against
* 12.8% - employer did nothing, ignored the complaint; no consequences for bully or target
* 15.7%- employer did nothing; target was retaliated against for reporting the bullying but kept job
* 24% - employer did nothing; target was retaliated against and eventually lost job

Bullied workers reported that a majority of employers (53%) did nothing to stop the mistreatment when reported and many (in 71% of cases) retaliated against the person who dared to report it.

In 40% of cases, targets considered the employer’s “investigation” to be inadequate or unfair with less than 2% of investigations described as fair and safe for the bullied person. Filing complaints led to retaliation by employers of bullied targets leading to lost jobs (24%). Alleged bullies were punished in only 6.2% of cases; bullying is done with impunity.

When asked: Bully’s rank relative to the targeted person:
7.6% Bully ranked lower than the targeted individual
18.7% Bully was a co-worker, colleague, a peer of the targeted individual
73.6% Bully ranked above the target by one or more levels in the organization

Additional facts from the Employers’ Response study:

* 95% of respondents were self-described targets of bullying (past or current)
* 59% of the bullies were women; 80% of targets were women
* 74% Bully enlisted others sometimes or always; 26% Bully worked alone

For more information on workplace bullying, visit our resources page “Let’s Talk About…”™ and view our webinar, Bullying In the Workplace.

*© 2008, Workplace Bullying Institute, bullyinginstitute.org

(Originally posted to KidsTerrain.com)

A Cruel and Needless Death…

As this story continues to be in the news, I decided to share my thoughts on this as posted originally for KidsTerrain's Expert Blog Series last November...

I’ve been mulling over this topic for several days now, trying to wrap my mind and emotions around this horrific story. It is sad enough when a child feels so despondent that the only alternative is to take one’s life. But, in the case of Megan Meier, knowing that a parent…a neighbor who lived just four houses down from the child…played a part in this child’s death overwhelms me.

Megan’s parents were not neglectful; they did not allow their daughter unfettered access to MySpace. According to journalist Steve Pokin of the St. Charles Journal, Megan’s mother monitored quite closely whom her daughter added as a friend to her MySpace page.

The cyber-friend was ‘Josh Evans,’ a sixteen-year-old, good-looking boy (a fake photo) who claimed to live nearby and who was home-schooled. With her mother’s permission, Megan began on online friendship with ‘Josh.’ Once Megan’s trust was gained, the contact from ‘Josh’ grew nasty and vile. ‘He’ posted comments such as, “Megan Meier is a slut.”

The truth of this story may never have been known had another parent—who learned of the phony account from her own daughter who had access to the ‘Josh’ profile—not told Megan’s parents about the hoax several weeks after Megan’s death.

What sticks in my craw, not only in this case, but in the virtually unrestrained world of cyberspace, is how, once again, the law is not protecting our children. The woman who created ‘Josh Evans’ phony profile has not been charged with a crime. She allegedly told the St. Charles County Sheriff’s Department she “created Josh’s profile” to gain Megan’s confidence and find out what Megan was saying about her own child online.

There is no law on the books to hold the neighbor-parent responsible for her actions. And it has taken nearly a year for the Megan Meier story to hit the national and international news. Megan’s parents are now leading the charge to create more legal safeguards for children on the Internet.

Incidents of cyber-bullying seem to be growing exponentially. For parents and teachers, dealing with child bullies is tough enough. But when the bullying of a child is done by an adult—a neighbor, a child’s friend’s parent—it’s enough to make me want to throw the right to privacy out with the bath water.

(Posted originally on 11/29/07 for KidsTerrain)

Deadly Summer Games

A deadly game has been growing in popularity across the country. Known as The Choking Game, kids get a quick high by stopping the flow of oxygenated blood to the brain. Yup! You read it right…

How do they play this so-called game? Sometimes they choke each other until one passes out. Or they may use a ligature. The latter method is extremely dangerous because more and more kids are “playing the game” alone. And the effects of the high are addictive.

The Choking Game can cause the permanent death of brain cells. Physicians say, too, that the variation in blood pressure “may also cause strokes, seizures, and retinal damage.”

Others do it because it’s “cool” and risky. Most of the kids who have died from this were not children in trouble. Most were well liked, active, intelligent, stable children who wanted nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. This was an activity they felt was safe. Children have no clue about the physiological principles involved and need to be told by the adults in their lives how dangerous this is.

Why kids are taking such risks with their lives? Think back to your adolescent and teen years. We all wanted to be cool. And, I dare say, most of us engaged in risky behavior. Most of us luckily survived, and without our parents even knowing the crazy things we did. Kids have no sense of their own mortality coupled with a strong sense of invincibility.

So what’s a parent to do? Talk with your kids…talk with your school officials, and talk with other parents. Open communication and education are always the best means.

Oh, and don’t fall into the “not my kid” trap. Ask yourself this question first: What stupid, idiotic activity did I do when I was their age? I bet most of us can up with at least one dumb thing we did. I know I can.

(Written for KidsTerrain)